Damaged

There are just too many things that I'd like to talk, well, I mean, that I need(ed) to talk. They're stuck in my head and I don't even know how to take them out.
I just feel like crying, you know? I thought I wouldn't feel this again but, the fact is... I'm kinda feeling it, in a different way, in a hidden way. But I don't even know what this is. I'm not even writing this on my own language because I want to be silent and discrete, also I want to be heard... I don't know if you can understand what I'm feeling. I really want to talk and I just can't, because it seems forbidden, because even knowing what to say I also don't. And here I am again, in my shelter, in my writing. 
I feel so lonely. I thought this was the best security I could have but, in fact, I'm feeling even more stuck in me, at this wall of this part of my life. I don't want to regret myself, and I kinda don't, but I guess it should have been different, I shouldn't let myself go. All my life, all my life, I thought more than once and the first time that I let my emotions be the leaders, I fell apart in such a deep hole. 
Silence can be such a murderer. Even when I try to run away from it, hiding myself in every single noise, he is there, close to you, into you. How can I break silence? It's not supposed to be me doing it. 
I'm damaged again, like a shitty little toy.